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I Was Here

by Owen McMahon

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1.
Sneakers to Fill 02:37
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The natural takes his showdown stance, a could-be kid with a cosmic chance Stands starry-eyed with an ancient kind of will From a threshold town with no way out, to rescue himself from without And leave behind some big sneakers to fill A soul man of constant sorrow, losing blues in a car he borrowed Yearning for the searching feels no ease with being young Conquered fear of leaving certain shore, with a hard luck hope for something more The anger on the run it looked like fun So I wrestled with reality, for a young man's immortality I felt it strong and simple like you do when you're alone I ran and reached and overwhelmed, left locals laughing to themselves And did that heavy work all on my own Swore that I'd mug smug impossibilities, add my name to the histories Jump a train for the passing lane and wave this town goodbye To cramped clubs and open fields, I gotta know just how it feels Exhausted but alive at the end of the line Oh but I've no wonderboy abilities, no hero was I born to be And the wanting will forever be my curse But I'm stubborn through the sleepless nights, in resistance of a mythless life For the universe in my movements and my words So when they say "get in line and keep that job," man deep inside I know they're wrong I believe that there's some greatness in my muscles or my mind Gonna clear my head of all distractions, not content to 'see what happens' I need it now but man I couldn't name it if I tried By my Dylan bones and Springsteen soul, the baseball gods I used to know Romantic dreams and a steady climb uphill I'll search and search until I'm blinded, and one blessed night I'm gonna find it Til then I got some big sneakers to fill Til then I got some big sneakers to fill
2.
Saturday Night in CT 03:20
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It's Saturday night in CT You're feeling kinda low You wanna go out and try to get lucky But there aint no place to go It's Saturday night in CT You cut the grass all goddamn day Come home and just turn on the TV And dream about moving away But your belief will break so easily, and fold to reasoned inquiries It leaves you broken, busting at the seams 'Cuz you can't save much cash you see, or embarking on no odyssey In debt and dire need of gasoline It's Saturday night in CT They're off work in Boston now Everybody here's thinking about leaving But my mind's on getting out It's Saturday night in CT Striking midnight on the MetroNorth Things around here getting sleepy I wonder what it's like tonight in New York But pure escape just isn't good enough, it's meaningless it's giving up Maybe move away but that aint all you need And this world fills up my head with doubt, that if these dreams don't get me out It'll be too late to leave by any means From a mythless generation Of remakes and unrealized dreams This fear aint my boss no more, babe No more maintenance life for me Tonight my soul's got a trace of transcendence There's something here and I believe It's more than hope, relocation, and pipe dreams And hungry Saturday nights in CT
3.
Pickin' A Town 02:58
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Man you know sometimes I think about just pickin' a town Moving somewhere far away and picking up just to settle down I'd have a car that works, a dog, and an old farmhouse front porch A diner on the corner, get involved in local sports Man you know sometimes I think about just pickin' a town Man you know sometimes I think about just pickin' a job Some real steady paid profession, I'd apply and work my way up to the top Maybe I could be a teacher or a well-off business man Or I could be a farmer, work outside and with my hands Man you know sometimes I think about just pickin' a job Man you know sometimes I wish that I could just find a girl We'd go steady for a few years, form a mutual desire for the world And the house, the kids, the finances and general adult life I'd kiss her in the morning and I'd hold her through the night Man you know sometimes I wish that I could just find a girl Oh sometimes it sure does seem a whole lot easier than this To have some money and some company and a settled place to live And though I'm not sure that I'd hate it just seems like a trick To abandon the ambitions that I've had since I was a kid And that's why whenever I think about just pickin' a town I think of being middle aged with dreams unchased and a life lived out of the lost and found And I resolve to not give up or put it off another day I'm not sure what I'm doing but I do it anyway Cuz man I want more out of life than just pickin' a town
4.
One Last Dream 05:26
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One last dream and I''m leaving this town One last dream 'fore I gotta settle down If I want it so bad why am I screwing around? When you get old I bet it's wasted time you live down I aint got the band to play rock n roll hits I don't live in times that allow much for myth You won't ever see me playin' ball on TV I don't think many folks get where they'd like to be And it aint comin' easy, sometimes feels it aint comin' at all They say you gotta get real kid, replace dreams with long drives and alcohol I used to think that my blues were unique That nobody nowhere'd ever had 'em like me That my time on this Earth would have a climactic peak And somehow that moment would collide with my dreams 24 years old and the thought haunts my head I aint nowhere close to where I wanna be yet One last dream it aint changing the world But if that keeps me here then here's all I deserve And it aint comin' easy, sometimes feels it aint comin' at all They say you gotta get real kid, you might leave but you won't make it far So one last dream is all I've got left I wish I could say that I aint looking back There's something out there to win or to find Understand, overcome and it's gonna be mine And it aint comin' easy, sometimes feels it aint comin' at all But I know that it's in me, in my bones and in my guitar
5.
Achilles At The Athenian 04:51
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Achilles at the Athenian Diner on Route 8 He never sailed for Troy, he played it safe and now it's too late His body built for glory dons an employee's name plate Passions smashed to hobbies, he stirs his coffee bound to stay I want what's plain impossible, justify it as a dream Tell my folks something responsible, we all try to get some sleep I want the adults that I care about to be proud that I did it right They got worried love for a first born son, "what's he doing with his life?" Sometimes I wish my dreams just called for class and student loans Realistic and reliable and accomplished close to home But the calling to adventure will not guarantee a job Don't wanna be no disappointment but I know that I can't stop I aint brave Achilles comforted by destiny There's nothing I was born to do, is that aimless or is that free? Greatness or failure past the eternal on-ramp gates Dreams and dread in my heart and head at this diner on Route 8 Sign above the highway says "bright futures dim with age" Hometown saying "if you go you're gonna throw all this away" Sign above the highway "all potential fades with age" The threshold is the edge of town and it's my choice to make
6.
Man Of The World 02:04
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From the hero's side of reality A man of the world once said to me In a daydream, workday drive in the car "Are you satisfied with the way things are? Resigning yourself to a tragic fate Getting pretty good at that job you hate NIghtly promise that change will begin The new day dawns and you're sleeping in It feels hopeless in the place you live Disorders, vices, specialists You're anxious, violent and pigeon-holed Shaped and shaved, all skill, no soul You got an idea of what life could be But you're scared and embarrassed for others to see You're lazy and busy and making excuses That kind of dreaming won't ever be lucid" I said "damn you're right and I'm yearning to run But it seems much easier said than done I got low cash flow and a mountain of debt And a masterpiece I aint started yet Legends all seem destined to be I wanna do that but it's beyond me Fearing failure, finances and time Spent taking a chance and falling behind" He said "nobody asks you to chase your dreams And worthwhile action aint taken with ease But don't waste time waiting on destiny Go out and work on it actively Cuz sweating it out in the minor leagues As an opening act with the country to see An inspired kid on the proving ground Is how real legends get started out So roll them bones and ring them bells My ex-girlfriends gonna wish me well From my hard hometown to the capital cities A personal everything flowing within me Stepping and trying and paying my dues For the real thing, babe and the big time too I'm a minor leaguer, an opening act But someday man I'll be better than that
7.
Ancient Kinda Man 03:47
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3 a.m. don't feel romantic, just condemned To a life like an abandoned epic poem Kids in cars cling to a sliver of the promise Underdogs with the weariest of hope They curse town limits and the locked gates in their minds Lament, repent for all the things they're not Not quite tougher than those kids from down the road No saviors, pioneers or astronauts They just grow older with that dreamin' To break a bold and brand new west And if not a lion or a brave, babe At least a good heart and a quest To wake one morning to a red sky up above Dark clouds rising and you're out there on your own To face the madness and the fury of the storm Gone too far from shore to turn for home Beyond the boundaries and enlightened by pursuit With just your head, your hands and heart to pull you through To step just once against the meanest of conditions And live or die by what you were born to do But they say "that hammer aint for you kid It's too late to live or think like that People just don't talk that way no more And anyway there aint no new west left" The big bad future talks of struggles, cracks its knuckles I've got all I've ever known behind my heels And I need something like an answer or a victory To know not just what it is but how it feels So to the well and to the wheels and to the west Take my hard luck hope headlong to the promised land Hurl myself against the madness and the fury And live or die just like some ancient kinda man
8.
The #l-u-v-l-y-f Blues 03:32
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She's waiting on the edge of town for lucky number 3 I wouldn't feel so sad but you know number 2 was me She's west unto the world, man I swear she was the one I guess it wouldn't work out anyway I can't move for lack of funds When I was young I'd hoped that love worked like romantic comedy I'd find a hometown high school sweetheart and one day she'd marry me But the talking phase, the separate ways just left me all confused Trying to navigate the #l-u-v-l-y-f blues I'm recommended dating apps where young pretty people meet But ice breaker texts and selfies steal my soul and sell it cheap I never really entertained 'em I'm too pig-headed and proud The only 'tinder' that I like's made outta chicken anyhow So I walk on down the highway righteous, romantic and bored And every time I meet a pretty girl my eyes'll meet the floor If I'm refusing the perusing of soulmates on my cell phone I'll have to quickly con some confidence or get comfortable alone I watch old romantic movies when I lay in bed at night Where lovers faced with leaving really had to mean goodbye I'll wait, I'll write, I'll kiss goodnight it's fare thee well and then So long kiddo, I gotta go, I hope we meet again And bare the weight of all that hope to someday reunite On a city street so far away or nostalgic hometown night But data makes that longing cliche and obsolete Cuz you can't really miss nobody with FaceTime and Insta feeds My hair's thinning like I'm 40, man I'm only 23 I shake my fist up at the sky "God why you doin' this to me?" He says "I gotta give these other guys a chance, it just aint fair Owen, none of them would get a girl if I let you keep your hair" I said "that's nice you think I'm handsome but I'm single, lonely too And if I can't find her 'fore it falls out don't know what I'm gonna do" "Relax it's just your hair there's more important things, OK? And girls who'd marry based on hairlines aint the good girls anyway" I really shouldn't wax nostalgic how I think things used to be Lament the looks I wish I had and lack of tech literacy Curse Romeo and Juliet who sent no anxious text response Just cuz I've only been in love in years 2000 and beyond And I'm struggling to figure out what any of this means Taking a forced and fixed step forward into human history Search for solace in the hope somewhere she's looking for me too And singing about her #l-u-v-l-y-f blues
9.
The Rivalry Game 03:19
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I grew up with romantic visions like my life was feature film I'd settle my unfinished business with supernatural acts of will All the things I loved the best would be things I was born to do Embrace ambitious expectations and I'd live up to 'em too But when that dreaming don't come true you quickly turn to feeling old You never thought of nothing else but you have to now you're told Compartmentalize shortcomings, get you something else to do Find your niche and make it quick this world won't wait around for you And I've hear as you get older you mature, you find yourself But that just feels like surrender, settling for something else And I know I can't go back to fix the things that turned out wrong I love the kid I used to be but in a lot of ways he's gone And I don't wanna live my life trying to settle some lost score About the rivalry game glory that I practiced so hard for Somehow I gotta keep it moving, can't let bitterness take hold Honor the practice, love, and soul over a melody that goes And the living up to good enough to come up clutch and proving ground becoming Left me overthinking under pressure, letting down and coming up too small But I believe that I got one last chance at something More than rose-tinted tall tales and a dream bitterly recalled So come on boys be with me now the weekend's come along We will be good someday I can feel it coming on Saint Rita if you'd ever hear a prayer from the northeast This is all that I got left and I gotta try at least For one last day of summer 'fore the existential fall Let's have a good hang and a party after pick-up basketball Try to salvage some transcendence from the kid's broken dreams At an open mic on a weekday night with a young man's song for free
10.
The Good Universe 05:23
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Born into this town just like an unlocked cell in jail Almost free, still a detainee trying hard to post my bail Cuz 23 feels old to me, no sight, no scent, no trail Of my t-shirt dreams of the Major Leagues or a boxcar fairy tale The word "career" it hit my ear, never sat right in my brain The long job search and the paperwork, it all seems so insane But the standard set can define success, other roads have rough terrain And different aint free, there's no guarantee of redemption or acclaim The discovery of eternity is something most deny To take on love and dreams and life and know you're gonna die I stay up late to beat that fate, still wake up terrified And I run through days trying in vain to beat death or to hide My heroes rise from their place in life stood stubborn and alone They brave the night to bring the light to the fearsome and unknown And forever live for what they did inside an ancient poem When the aux chord speaks, athletic feats, and churches made of bones Down river from those icons and all their immortal deeds Sewn together by the promise of opportunity By slaves and wars and long-locked doors disguised as others' needs By a chance first kiss and another missed and a soul who braved the seas Someday, some town, some kid like me is born and I'm long gone This series of metamorphoses remains to take him on The girl he'll lose and the hometown blues, the searching and the songs Screaming "remember me" and the centuries trying to make more right than wrong And I'm driving on a summer's night to a place all my friends go I got a song in my back pocket and a move nobody knows It's a long and lonesome road my friend, I'm out here on my own And I flip the bird to the mean old world and go searching on for home
11.
I Was Here 03:22
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My name won't mean a thing to you My hometown you're just passing through My friends, my dreams and blues But I was here Like a hand print in an ancient cave A stranger's name on a lonely grave I'll leave this song to say That I was here I was here, I was here I was here I got dread and dreams I can't describe A hero myth set to my times And imagined, unlived lives While I was here Got a secret dream I'd die to guard Of what I could be if I tried hard And saw with just my heart While I was here I was here, I was here I was here Ever since I was a kid I been transfixed by my own visions of life And I'd lay awake on school nights and I'd live out all those fables in my mind Try to create my place in lonely human heritage we're born into and bound to carry on So when out people and our instants are dead and distant they'll be ancient, never gone I was here, I was here I was here I was here, I was here I was here And I'm not sure how my life will go If contending in good faith and hope Will leave anything to show For being here But the continuation comforts me New kids from here will form new dreams An ancestor's all I'll be But I was here I was here, I was here And when my world has disappeared This song remains to make it clear That I was here

credits

released July 23, 2019

All songs written and arranged by Owen McMahon
Owen McMahon-vocals, guitars, harmonica
Tom Pappineau-bass
Produced by Owen McMahon and Dave Perugini

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